I’ve always disliked the phrase, “Fake it until you make it!”. It just feels so disingenuous.
Dealing with conflict shouldn’t be about denying reality, it should be more about accepting it, for what it is. Then instead of approaching conflict with a position of defense, you open up and look at it from the perspective of finding solutions — discovering opportunities hidden in plain sight.
In The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy, the author gives a great example on perception via the “The Add-In Principle”. Montel Williams has multiple sclerosis, which causes him to always be mindful of his diet. He describes the principle as such:
“It’s not so much what you attempt to take out of your diet,” he explained to me. “It’s what you put in instead.” This has become his analogy for life.
Hardy goes on to say,
Instead of focusing on what he has to sacrifice, Montel thinks about what he gets to “add in.” The result is a lot more powerful.
I distilled it into this one phrase that I can repeat to myself:
Focus on what you can add, not what you don’t have.
When challenges come your way, what do you focus on? Resistance? Or embracing yet another opportunity to learn, grow, and perhaps even discover your strengths.